Monday, November 1, 2010

Goodbye October

October closed with a tidal wave of emotion.

Sunday a friend lost a baby to SIDS. The week was spent trying to define how to "help" when truly there is nothing you can do, all she wants is to have her sweet baby back in her arms again.

I didn't know what to do with the guilty feelings that were apart of experiencing simple joys with my children this week. The moments I realized my friend's loss wasn't at the forefront of my thoughts I ached with the fresh realization that only she was truly experiencing grief.

I still had to function as a mom this week. So I did.

Daniel had his first loose tooth. He couldn't handle the chaos in his mouth and asked Daddy to pull it out. Daddy did. When he went to bed he made me promise NOT to replace his tooth with money; he needed to KNOW if the tooth fairy was real. I promised, so I did NOT. The next morning he was ready to cash in. (I realize there are parents cringing at the fact that I could take this "harmless" belief from my child. It's more important to me that my child knows I will never lie or deceive him and that what I say I am going to do, I will do.)

There was dinner to take to another sweet friend who gave birth to a precious baby girl. My heart celebrated at the perfection of the sweet baby, just days old.

There was the small group pumpkin carving. I helped carve my first pumpkin. Daniel wanted a Batman pumpkin.

There was MOPS, where other mommy friends heard about our dear friend's loss and articulated a bit of their own fears with their own infants.

There was a special tea party with the girls while Daniel was in school. Cherishing the daily gifts.

There was a school assembly where Daniel was awarded a "Proud Paw" for very good behavior. He was so proud. Papa and Grandma Cook got to come. Good behavior is a very big deal in our house. Daddy was so disappointed that they didn't give more notice so that he could have arranged to be there too. Mercy strained to see every little thing happening, not wanting to miss a single thing. Gracie sprawled out across my lap, bored.

A trip to Michaels with another dear friend to pick out pink paper to decorate a guest book for a memorial service.

My first time helping in Daniel's kindergarten classroom for his Harvest Party. It was Crazy Hair Day. Daniel did NOT want to be apart of it (until afterwards). Even Mrs. A. had a bright blue wig.

A family dinner where we got to celebrate the birthdays of Grandpa Bill, Uncle Stephen, and Lauren. Time with the cousins is always wonderful.

And a Memorial Service for a baby girl who left behind her twin sister, big brother, mommy, daddy, and a lot of other family and friends. Overwhelmed by worship. We sang Blessed Be the Name by Matt Redman. I wept with the renewed realization that we must continually choose to give praise to God, not just when he is pouring out his blessings, but "when the darkness closes in," we serve a God who "gives and takes away".

Then the carving of the 70.4 pound pumpkin from our garden because we couldn't just come home and put our kids to bed.


  1. Awesome post, Cami. I agree, the end of October has been a huge wave of emotion. Love you!

  2. Hold on to your hat, sweet sister. The emotional ride that we're on as mothers just keeps propelling us through life. It is not a bit easy, but it is so, so good, to have a tender heart toward our kids and all the feelings that go along with that.

  3. I all of it! Wyatt is so jealous of that missing tooth! I am trying to take a deep breath before this week gets too crazy!!!